If a photo could speak this one would tell you our family story of the last year. To you it may just be a silly picture of two girls, but to me I see every memory and moment from 2015. The expressions and personality in Eleanor’s face represent all the really great times of having a two year old…and all of the really frustrating times. It’s hard to see because of Ruthie’s tilted head, but that smile and expression show how far she has come in one short year. From a helpless newborn to an independent, fun loving and happy almost one year old. This photo is our story.
Leaving my job and becoming a stay at home mom was my ultimate dream last year. Bringing Ruthie into this world and seeing her for the first time and then watching my first baby become a big sister, it was all so beautiful and glorious. This past year was the most amazing year of our lives. Each day I can’t believe I get to do this (and sometimes I can’t believe I have to do this). But that last sentiment reminds me of a thought I had while my mind wandered this morning in bible study…sometimes I think God, how long must I endure this? Somedays do feel so frightfully difficult. The incessant questioning from a toddler, the crying that can’t be stopped, the issues with sharing and screaming and mess-making and needing food every.single.minute of the day. In those moments…how long God? But then I thought, if I knew the entire rest of my life would be just like this, not a thing would change, would I choose it? And my answer was so fast. Of course I would choose my family. My supporting and loving husband, my happy little baby Ru whose smile lights up my heart, my brilliant and witty three year old. I would endure all the frustrations for this amazing family and beautiful life God has created for me. And yet time isn’t standing still. Those babies will not always be with me. So instead of “how long God” I should be thinking “as long as possible God.”
This year I have been turned off by the idea of making New Year’s Resolutions. My resolve just isn’t great enough. Instead of relying on my own strength for change this year I am working on my relationship with God to make real and lasting change in my life. By diving into the Word of God and spending time praying to Him I am learning more about who He is and what His plans are and how they fit into my life. And it is changing my ways of thinking. I have a long way to go to be the mom that these beautiful girls deserve. But I also know that when I fail, God’s grace is enough for me. And enough for my girls. Here’s to a year of learning more about God and teaching my girls all that I learn.
(alternate title: 1000 words minus 490)